Weight

We all bear a burden. A weight upon our backs, and while some carry a heavier load than others, all individuals can relate to the crushing burden of Atlas. In Jeanette Winterson's Weight, she questions the traditional viewpoint of Atlas, a solitary figure forced to carry out his punishment for eternity. In his final abandonment of his punishment, she poses the critical question of whether the struggle humans undergo is truly necessary, even to go as far to suggest that individuals just walk away from pointless troubles. As a Senior approaching graduation, I fear this message hit too close to home. As many of my "burdens" seem more and more pointless, I am often tempted to simply just set it down. However, unlike in Atlas' story, my Kosmos has the chance of collapsing if I do.

We Are All Our Father's Sons

In The War That Killed Achilles, Caroline Alexander explains the greek heroic belief that a younger generation could never surpass the greatness of the one previous, creating ancient heroes that were to be looked upon as insurmountable in their glory and prestige. However, Thetis, Achilles' immortal mother, was fated to birth a son who was greater than his father, upsetting the mythological norm of the time. Thus no God was willing to father this son, fearing the same fate of Zeus's father, and he was born to a mortal -- destined to die as all mortals do. Imagine if the Gods in the myths held the ideas of the American dream today, to live a better life than our fathers, to move forward in each generation, held true? Would this have changed the greatest mortal fighter's fate into that of a God? In the modern age, when one's family background is almost purposefully overlooked in the name of equality, it's hard to relate to the powerful influence of paternity in past generations. The question of whether this freedom from our father's is a curse or a blessing is subjective... one I look forward to investigating in "Clash Of The Titans", an upcoming film about the son of Zeus taking arms against his father. He chooses to fight for the people his was raised with instead of his own blood, touching on the existential subject of existence versus essence. Nevertheless he will have to come to term with his own bloodline, as we are all our father's sons, no matter how much we wish we weren't.

Utilitarianism: Useful and Dangerous

Although useful, I feel Ulitarianism is a dangerous philosophy to follow blindly. It does serve its purpose to allow individuals or governments to make decisions to give the greatest benefit to the most about of people, however as Colin Griffin stated on the Ning, it "falls apart when it is assessed in the context of death and one's own existence." If one could sacrifice a random stranger to save two others, is it right to do so? If you were forced to make that decision, and you chose the single individual, you are essentially killing another person. If one takes no stance, and the two die, you are simply letting fate run its course. Would you be able to sleep at night, knowing someone died because of your decision? Or would the comfort that two lives were saved let you rest assured you had made the moral decision. Personally, this is why I don't want to go into a field where these decisions are in my hands, i fear the ethical considerations would paralyze me from decisive action.

When one begins to look at a human as anything other than what they are, a human life, they lose sight what makes humanity so sacred. To say there is a value greater than one life is purely subjective, as value is an idea conceived by humanity, that didn't exist before it was thought up. Can we make decisions based off of something that could differ to vastly from person to person, individual to individual? I think instead we must take each decision carefully and not create numerical values, but use reason and logic to see what is right.

Somewhere to Turn

"Do you understand, sir, do you understand what it means when you have absolutely nowhere to turn?... For every man must have somewhere to turn."-Crime and Punishment

When men are backed into walls, into corners, into small closets that become their home they shed their layers of humanity and civilization and fall to their animalistic tendencies... to overlook what they know is right, to kill, to drink, to steal. Can we blame these individuals for pushing back against a society that constantly leaves them no other option but to retaliate? Although these people endanger our society, can we really condemn their actions, believe that we are above them? In their struggles they made a choice... can those who live in apathy look down upon them? Instead of labeling these individuals as criminals, dangerous beings unfit to live amongst others, I think it is necessary to observe their situation, feel the pressure of a wall against your back and the weight of society and poverty against your chest before we set them on a scale against ourselves.

The Dangers of Science

As a future science major, I must admit I love technology and humanities ability to consistently better itself outside the realm of selective reproduction. However, in the path we are headed, I see technology not being our savior, but being our demise. I don't believe it will one day turn on us like in the terminator, but we will still lose a part of ourselves to it, the essential core aspects of humanity that makes life so precious and treasured. For example, in Never Let Me Go, humans live off of the organs of donors, essentially making them close to immortality. Once humanity loses fear of an impending death, the dynamics of human life, thought, and society will change dramatically. As we also lose touch with the world around us, instead pulled into a virtual world composed of zeros and ones, not carbon and nitrogen, we come to the event horizon of our future. Do we keep taking steps forward, getting pulled into a path of technologically dominated lifestyles, or realize the dire nature of our situation and save ourselves while there is still time? The objective viewpoint of science is necessary towards research and development of new technology, however once we apply that lens to other aspects of our life, we lose what seperates us from lines of code.

Curse of Knowledge

“Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth.” - Thoreau

When the act of knowing our fate cannot affect it in any way, is it better to be blissful in ignorance? In Never Let Me Go, Ruth lives a life of believing instead of knowing, hoping instead of searching for truth. It is easy to codemn her actions as ignorant and unrealistic, however she lived a life full of hope and optimism, something many other carers were incapable of. Why look down on an individual for being happy? Some, such as Thoreau, would speculate that Kathy and Tommy's knowledge, fallout, and heartbreak make them better than Ruth's daydreams, however I do not think the answer is that clear. I think without the spark of dreamers and the optimists, the darkness of reality would be crushing. However, time often requires that we lose our innocence, no matter how much we wish to never let it go.

Foundations of Reality

For those who have yet to see Shutter Island, I would hate to ruin the experience for you, but essentially the viewer learns to question what appears to be real. Our experience of reality is simply the firing of neural pathways. Like all circuitry, it is prone to break... so how can we trust our senses, our perception of the world and what is real? Leonardo DiCaprio's character has a difficult time adjusting, constantly battling his own psyche. I saw many existentialist themes throughout Shutter Island and thought it fitting that it came out during our Existentialist unit. However, I do hope Never Let Me Go doesn't have as big of a surprise ending... I can't handle the foundations of reality breaking under my feet another time.

Lion and Men

"There is nothing alive more agonized than man
of all that breathe and crawl across the earth." - The Iliad



As individuals, what is the strength of the bond we share with others? For Achilles and Patroclus, it unleashed a rage that slaughtered hordes of men. For the greater and lesser Ajax, it gave them strength to protect their ships from ruin. However strong these bonds are, they can be used to manipulate the other. Hera blinds Zeus with passion and betrays his orders, and the Gods consistently abuse mortals trust to get them to do their bidding.

As Valentine's Day came around, I was presented with two views of relationships: the power to destroy or the power to create. While Hallmark cards whispered sweet nothings into a couples heart, Homer revealed the power that lies within a pact between men. The suffering we endure throughout life, agony not apparent in many other lifeforms, lies in our ability to form relationships with others. When Achilles refuses to make a pact with Hector, he essentially refuses to form a bond with him, thus shielding himself from the strongest blow Hector could possibly give.

Entaglement

Recently, a physicist has discovered how to transport energy, utilizing the quantum theory of entanglement. Two "entangled" particles can exist that share the same existence, and a "measurement on one particle immediately influences the other, even though they are light-years apart."

Despite its incredible impact on the scientific community, entanglement holds more value to humanity and existence than advancing technology, as it gives us insight into the
nature of the universe. The idea that space separating matter can be an illusion for these molecules that exist simultaneously in two places, emboldens romanticists everywhere.



Even though we may be insignificant masses of carbon, the universe lets us be linked to other human beings just as these entangled molecules are to each other. When you know you aren't alone, the dark void of space is a little less frightening. In The Illiad, the relationships between fighters are the driving force that keeps them moving, running into sharp point of death only because their comrade is right beside them. The next time I look up and am belittled by the vastness of the universe, I will keep in mind how connected everything really is.

A Modern Myth: Frank Luntz

My keystrokes fall like hammers,
crafting weapons,
brazen points
single minded on their soft target.
And from my forge,
Prometheus took his glory,
bringing the warm comfort of words
to man.
So give me your first cut,
your finest drink,
and I will make you victorious,
with my hammer I will carve your name
into every history book
and though you will die,
you will be immortal.

We are Determined.

Determinism is the view that any event, whether physical or simply a mental process such as making a decision is determined by a chain of prior occurrences. In a purely scientific world, this is the only rationale that can be understood, as free will and a soul that makes unique, unpredictable decisions only can exist in a metaphysical world. A recent experiment has shown that your subconscious knows what random decision you are going to make about six seconds prior before you realize it.



So what does this mean for individuals and humanity as a whole? Since we are destined, our past essentially determining our future, does that relieve us of our control of our lives? Does this absolve us from the weight of our decisions and actions, or can we be held accountable to what is out of our control? Whether Kurtz is a monster, or just a product of the environment he was placed into is in the reader's hands to decide, and to blame Pandarus for firing an arrow and resuming the Trojan war overlooks Athena's interference in the situation.

This leaves me stuck between two sides of an argument... where does the control of one's life lie? In the hands of Man or God? Can I change my fate, or is it set in stone by the simple reactionary properties of the universe?

Regardless of whether I can only have one fate or many, I still feel it is in my control, for the weight of it sits heavy on my sholders. If Athena is at my back, whispering ideas into my head I believe are mine, so be it. I am determined of who I am, and the sweet nothings of an immortal or the simple reaction pathways my neurons follow may shape the path my life takes, but to exonerate myself from the consequences of my decisions kills any sense of being I hold dear.

Piece By Piece

As the days keep turning into night, its often hard to make the effort to slow things down for a minute, not to only smell the roses, but to recognize "the roses" importance to you, the world, your community, and what they may represent. As we focus on picking apart poetry and Heart of Darkness, which are close relatives, I have tried to teach myself to notice the small details that make works of iterature great. It could be a single word or phrase that give a poem or idea a completely different connotation, the smallest jumble of letters with the largest impact.

I have realized that the study of literature is not just the study of writing things down, it is the study of human life, struggle, and triumph. Thus the smallest details in my life can also have the greatest meaning, and I have begun to see the metaphors, foreshadowing, irony and significance of otherwise ordinary occurrences. When I leave in the morning, I begin my hero's journey, when it rains, I experience a rebirth, and when I cross a river, I am traveling to the underworld. Has my life began imitating art? Or am I simply becoming cognizant that art imitates my life? Nevertheless, it certainly gives me something to think about.

In the Midst of Chaos

A storm rages upon a city, wreaking havoc with all the power of Mother Nature behind it. Torrents of rain slam down on cement walls, winds rage through streets, and everything is swept away by the swift hand of the clouds. In the midst of chaos, however, there is a place of peace. In the eye of the storm there is serenity, there is safety, there is salvation. I currently find myself in this sanctuary, watching the world tear itself apart around me. It seems as long as I move with the storm and stay in my bubble, I will be okay.

As I look upward, the glimpse of sunshine I see gives me hope that there are better things yet to come for me, yet I worry for those around me. Will my departure leave them in the wake of the tempest that has stricken my life? Or is this simply another rainy day that will pass as all those before it? The answers seem irrelevant as I all can focus on is staying in the eye, and avoiding the chaos that swirls around me.

Return to Normalcy

I distinctly remember the first day of Senior year, and how long the path ahead seemed. Now, right before the last week of finals, I realized how short it has been. Time seems to have slipped between my fingers, and all I'm left with is a few memories.

After the rush of it all, the homework, the tests, college applications, I am looking forward to a return to normalcy. As I sit with a friend who has recently returned from college, I feel as though everything is going to be just fine. It always is.

Luck Has Nothing To Do With It

My Dad was walking out the door for a meeting essential to the survival of his company and said, "Wish me luck!" I turned to look at him directly and said "Dad, luck has nothing to do with it."

This seemed to upset him, as it meant the recent falter of his business was essentially his fault. People don't want to take responsibility for their failures and are hesistant to believe they are the true cause of their success. Thus humanity conceived fate, an outside force out of our control, which lessens the burden placed on the shoulders of humanity. If we fail, it is not fully our fault, as there were variables out of our hands.

I have come to turns with the knowledge that fate is an illusion. It skews the reality that we have full control of our lives, and we can predict the future by making it whatever we want. Just as Siddhartha is scared by his sudden awakening, the realization that he is utterly alone in the world, this scared me. To know that my successes and failures were completely my doing is unnerving, I was not previously used to that sort of responsibility. However, now in times of crisis I know that for guidance and success, I need not look up towards the heavens, but within.

A Breath of Fresh Air

While with the Samanas, Siddartha wasn't content with his escapes from "self" as he knew he will always return back, no matter how pure he is while in meditation. This lingering knowledge prevents him from being fully satisfied by his practices and eventually motivates him to seek new teachings. Thus, Herman Hesse presents the dillema of being satisfied with content when struggle is just around the corner.

Over Thanksgiving Break, I have experienced a brief lapse from the struggles of "self" that accompanies school. Although I did not spend my weekend in meditation, I spent it with siblings and friends I had been missing. Fortunately, I didn't think about the work that is looming around the corner, and was able to enjoy myself. This might stop me from becoming enlightened, but I'm thankful for it.

Beauty in the Breakdown

In every great piece of art, it is the complexities that give it depth. Sitting underneath a starry sky, every human is awestruck by the sheer beauty of the universe. However, a scientist sees these freckles of light and knows what lies behind them, the reactions that drive them, can determine what planets surround them, and thus sees much more than suspended lights; they see textbooks, equations, and the complexity that make existence brilliant.
Every Science course I have taken has illuminated a new aspect of the universe that I was once blind to. In AP Biology, I became aware of the beauties and intricacy of life and how it began. Just the fact that helicase is unwinding DNA in my body as I sit to write this, and billions of charges are firing across your neurons as you read this is astounding. In AP Physics, I learned the laws that govern the universe. Just as the rules that govern sonnets make them special, knowing the principles of the cosmos, and being able to see occurrences that align to those principles makes the world that much more extraordinary. Like suddenly switching to color from black and white, I am constantly surprised by everything I wasn’t aware of.
As soon as the world is seen in this new light, it is impossible to be content with ignorance. Thus humanity constantly searches to know, to understand, and to unravel the intricacies that are woven in between what is, what was, and what is to be, making the universe more beautiful every day.

"The Rest Is Silence"

In my studies, there are no seperate sciences; theories apply to the entire universe and all that lies within, not just a specific area of focus. Essentially social science, physical science, and literary studies are all looking at the same thing from different points of view. Thus, a law of physics holds true to interations between people as well. The law of conservation says that energy cannot be created or destroyed, only converted into different forms.

A storm builds and grows until it finally bursts, spilling out all of its intensity on the Earth for a few brief hours. Finally, there is calm, there is silence. The potential energy of the clouds is released as kinetic energy of the rain failling towards the ground, and thermal energy is generated as well. Once the natural course of the world is disrupted as Claudius kills the King, a series of events gets set in motion that cannot be avoided. As the tension builds in the story, energy accumulates within Hamlet's angst, Laertes anger, Ophelias plight, and Cladius' guilt. The energy is released in spurts; Hamlet's play, Laertes duel, Cladius' prayer, and Ophelia's drowning each turn potential energy into kinetic energy, turning thoughts into actions, ultimately resulting in death for each of the characters.

Even though energy does not simply disspear, but passed on to the characters affected and the world altered, there is an end to the struggle that each character faces. For in death, "the rest is silence" (V, ii, 330)

While we discussed Seth Godin's "Dip" in class this week, I immediately thought of my experiences in Elementary School. When I switched from the 2nd grade to the 3rd grade side of my 2/3 split class, I found myself at the low point in the Dip. I had moved from the top of my class to the bottom almost instantly, and found myself struggling to achieve mediocre and low marks. I could have decided to return to my state of comfort and gone back to being in 2nd grade, but decided to stick it out. After a brutal year, I had caught myself up with the rest of the class, and began recieving high marks again from 4th grade on. I had made it through the dip and to the success on the other side.

The only problem I see in the "dip", is its deceptive nature. You can think your in the dip, for weeks, months, or even years, but truly be on the "cliff" or "Cul-de-Sac" route instead. Learning when to quit is something I need to do, especially as my workload increases while the number of hours in the day continues to stay the same.

Son of York

"Now is the winter of our discontent made glorious summer by this son of York,"
(Richard III)



As the solid foundations that I have relied on throughout my life begin to crumble beneath my feet, I have been looking towards a source of salvation. Unfortunately, looking backwards only shows how a mess was made and not how to clean it up, so I have had to look forward. With college on the horizon, my future is entirely in my hands. In the winter of my discontent, I must be the son of York - for only in my success can I ensure I do not fail, and unlike Allen Hawley, I will do so not by cheating, or stealing, but through my own determination and hard work.

Just as Hamlet goes through his own existential crisis of purpose and identity, answering prompts and choosing majors leads the two sides of myself to battle over my identity. Scientist or writer? Numbers or letters? However, I will not let this conflict, this hesitation, be my downfall. Either path I choose, I will not let any opportunity slip through my fingers like sunlight, for it has been a cold and dreary winter and summer is only seven months away.